I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
smell my finger.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
