Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'm always down for nudity.
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