I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
