im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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