So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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