She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
