listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
