lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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