Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
