as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
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