respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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