Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
