how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
