He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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