He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
