It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
