Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
