her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
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just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
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my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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