you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
After last night, I could never be a politician.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
