I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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