I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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