I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
