Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
