Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
