Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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