You're my little dorito
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
