after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
did i walk over a car last night?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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