Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I believe in your delicious
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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