hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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