What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
