is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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