Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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