I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
