I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
