I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
