If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
