Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
