It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Randomize
