I think i sorta joined a cult last night
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
worst night to have a conscience
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
