We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
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I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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