Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
