in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
