so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
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Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
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I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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