I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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