Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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