My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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