apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
