I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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