Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
