this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
