Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
