I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
