I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
