Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
