Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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