i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
