Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
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I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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