9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
