Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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