some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
