If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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