the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
