bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
one might say we're banned from that church
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
