i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
