Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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