you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
