Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
they need to just BURY HIM!
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
