Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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