There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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