4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
